It’s been four days since I went under the knife at my dentist to have a gum graft performed. Ouch, right? Actually, it’s not so bad, but the experience has provided me with some time to think about two things: drugs and food.
First, the procedure: basically, the dentist removed a strip of gum from each side of my upper palate and then grafted it to the front of my lower gum line to cover an area of thinning gum. It was around the time that the dentist extracted the first strip of gum sashimi and passed it in front of my field of view that I got to thinking about the first topic: drugs. Let me be absolutely clear about this point: drugs are good. Very good. Thank god my mouth was completely frozen, rendering my lip a flabby, senseless, overly large uncooked sausage as far as I was concerned. It’s a little known fact that red-heads are more sensitive to pain, thus I had them dose me up real good before any snipping began. Unfortunately, the anesthetic only numbs the sense of touch, but not the sense of hearing, something I regretted while listening to my dentist’s scalpel rip into my upper palate through the amplified wonder that is bone-conduction.
All this talk of sashimi and sausages leads me to my second topic: food. As in, I haven’t really had any for four days. No solids, no citrus products, no alcohol, and nothing spicy allowed. Do you have any idea how much of my dietary regimen that eliminates? Just about everything! Surprisingly, I haven’t really found myself feeling that hungry, despite sustaining myself solely on chocolate shakes and soup. Weird. Though I did make the mistake of trying to eat a crouton in my soup at Bread Garden – it just about ripped my upper palate to pieces. Which brought me back to topic #1: drugs are good. Specifically, Extra Strength Advil. Sure, there’s a risk of a GI bleed, but I’m pretty sure that would hurt less than the crouton gouging globules of flesh from my upper palate. Right?