dmv

 by Brendon J. Wilson

The DMV Dance Continues

It hasn’t even been a year since I managed to navigate the DMV gauntlet and yet, sigh, here I find myself again. My car’s registration has already expired, due to the fact that the original registration, despite not being finalized for nine months, was originally filed in January.

Normally, the DMV sends a reminder but it seems, big surprise, they forget to send one to me. Without the reminder, I don’t have the special registration identification number (RIN) I need to be able to renew my registration online or over the phone. Today, I decided to give them a call to see if I could either renew my registration without the number, or if I could get them to provide me with my RIN.

Holy cow. Talk about Brazil coming to life.

The telephone system was completely useless. Now, this is hardly surprising – all of these systems are useless for answering all but the most braindead questions. I punched through to the operator line, only to have to sit through a 30-second description of what I needed to have ready (driver’s license, license plate number), a notice that the call might be monitored, and a warning that if I gave false information, the DMV would press criminal charges. Alright, already, gimme an operator!

And then it told me there were no operators available, and suggested that my problem would probably be better served by the automated menu of snappy answers to stupid questions that I had already traversed to arrive at this point. Argh.

Not satisfied, I hit “0” and tried again. This time (after going through the 30-second warning message again) I got transferred into an actual holding queue (with hold music and everything!). And after twenty seconds, a woman’s voice came on:

“Thank you for holding. You are so important to us. Please stay on the line and then next technician will assist you. Please ask for the technician’s ID number. Thank you for allowing us to serve you and have a wonderful day.”

And then it hung up.

No, I’m not kidding…the DMV apparently considers me so important, it is not worthy of speaking to me at all.

Thinking it was a fluke, I tried yet again. And I failed yet again.

What the hell are these people smoking? I mean, how does this solve any problem for the DMV? It wastes its “customers'” time, DMV resources, and doesn’t help them get their job done any faster. No wonder people are driving around with expired registrations from four years ago on their out-of-state license plates.

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 by Brendon J. Wilson

DMV-Brand Glue

I thought the previous experience with the DMV was the most aggravating experience I’d ever have to endure. I was wrong. Why? Because I got a letter today from the DMV today requesting more information to support my previous car registration application. For the third time. Since January.

When I first arrived in California, I dutifully attempted to register my car at the California DMV. California requires you to register your car within 20 days of arrival – something that is impossible to do given the DMV’s totally inconvenient hours of operations. Nevertheless, Ashley and I trudged into the DMV, armed with our vehicle, proof of vehicle ownership, smog certificate, proof of identity, proof of compliance with US safety standards, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. After filling out the paperwork and letting a DMV employee verify the car’s VIN (vehicle identification number), we got our new California plates and were done. A few days later we got our temporary registration sticker in the mail. Easy, right? A little too easy…

A few weeks later, it started.

We got a letter in the mail from the DMV stating that we had failed to provide proof that the car was compliant with Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards and US EPA emission regulations. Despite the fact that we had provided them with the requisite letter from Toyota, as instructed. Oh, and we also forgot to provide a smog certificate – except that we had provided it to them in person, as instructed. Oh, and that we needed to provide a Customs form that showed that the car had passed Customs inspection – despite the fact that we drove into California, and had been told by a US Customs officer no such declaration would be necessary.

Fine. We gathered up the paperwork required. I even went out the SFO to get US Customs to provide the required Customs declaration – even though they didn’t know what form was required, why the DMV would require that form, and lost our application for that form. But we got it all together and sent it in.

A few weeks later, we got another letter. This time, the DMV required our VIN to be verified by a peace officer – despite the fact that they already had the VIN in their computer, and that it had been put there by a DMV employee. I took a quick trip to the Mountain View Police Department, interrupted a police officer from doing real work, got the form filled out, and sent the paperwork back to the DMV. Again.

Then today, we got another letter from the DMV. This time, the DMV wants the original application for vehicle registration. The original registration that we handed to the DMV employee, and that got returned to us with our temporary registration sticker? The same.

This is ridiculous. California is struggling to recover from crippling debt, debt that has required a $15 billion bond offering to keep the state afloat. I think I now understand the source of the problem – then again, it’s the same problem everywhere. Extremely Stupid Bureaucracy™: the glue that holds together the gears of our economy.

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